The Church of Lazlo - 08.23.17 - Life Stats

Wednesday, August 23rd


Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

All right I find this fascinating. Yeah I mean obviously it's just wishful thinking because we don't have one of these guys what's called a super computer they can give view. Statistics. About your life. So that's really realize or to stretch you out like if you could know things you can no stats about your life not to this point. Not future stoppages up to this point what would you wanna know. Like anatomy things and you actually did right like I said I would be interest and I am curious how how many times and I masturbating. Slash how many hours and I spent law doing that right adding batteries and arson. And there's no way to know really what really what what an average is because no one's ever kept track of this right magazine come Muslims are Roth S and there's going to be me and have been. Don't put us. Supercomputer. I guess that they said this is the average price on hundreds on the scale this is the average on time a guy spends is. You know the average number of times a guy does it in a week based on age curve murderers occur all I needed at the top for sure. I'm curious to know how much money I've gross to slash. How much money have netted thousands and they're depressing got to be really depressing right to look at what you had no I have read a president you made it very little. Or if you made a lot and pissed it all away either way it. True iced I feel like if guide if you start when I was fourteen. Serb working at the public library as surrogate jobs dishwasher is a must up and matter all that up. Up until this point I think I'd be very upset with how much money I've I've been mormons of when he says statistics IV morn to those statistical side of life. Like at bats. Those types of things not right like how many times and I asked a girl out on a day or ask her out. And she said yes or no what's my batting average on the OK so people on rather it says and I thought about before and this was a common thing. How many. If this computer can tell you how many women and of course if you know whatever your sexual predators barricades how many women throughout your life had an interest sitting you know. So if you could all the girls that Wear every interest suiting you or maybe there were some that you didn't know about what about the interest in but you said it was a Stadler because I was gonna say that you might. Another step would be how many women have vibe and interest today and I just didn't have the courage to ask stopped right. But those that you're gonna take stats on that because. It would be something that didn't happen but you would blow right at me again this is some sort of if you could know up until now about your life as well let's. Let's just rich and then your life is added I had a computer program you know is our simulation. Also there's going to be amazing to me like how many girls in junior high high school. Now I'm guessing in my case there probably wasn't into computers spit out who was yeah it'll say you know here's the girls oranges sitting you that you didn't realize Virginia the girls that you blew opportunities with girls that thought of you. One person set I would like to know how many family photographs Simon. That I wasn't. That it's not my family knowing your Disney World courier and apart and people are taking pictures in your in the background right things that crush your minds account under. I'd rather know. That would be interest him I'd rather not how many. Girls ranchers said. That I know much money I've left on the table because I haven't asked for enough and jobs are raises or whatever right. Look at some news and highly outside of what I do legislate price can do that what about this should be a scary one. If you could get a percentage. Of the people that know you this is just one I can mobilize is on the list but they have a positive. Viewer view. Verses and our perception vs a negative perception. I'm I'm curious what they've won a note and I'd like to go through 80% of people who know you have a negative perception what I wanna know that. I like to go through and see all of the people but I spent you know give yourself you know I spent over six months knowing Brighton. How much time I spent having fun of them and how much time I spent arguing them right. Know what's not stack look like you know where is that I'm a thing like. Because I feel like I end up spending a lot of time and on Audrey Morrissey would people rather kick me in the eye so. Even less specific than that which I thought about this from a forgery and we're talking about this you know up. They invented a supercomputer or let's say there's a supercomputer that can give you stats about your life up until now what stats jeweler now I thought this one before. Who reviewed talks to the most. And then second third sport right. I have a feeling I've talked to you more than anyone else is there I'm sure just from being at work together and being on the air together and and then whose second you know how much time so these people that I've known since I bet you eligible to exert great mare and zoom. And number two. Would be huge to Jack for being passed you know maybe my ex wife or something like that maybe it's closer but I don't thing to be nearly as close as you're not think about my ex wife too I mean we're together for a long time. But the amount of snow on. Otherwise actual talking I mean you doing newsroom I definitely think the amount between you and I and then like you know a friend and I've had since elementary school and I think dog on the person forever. I it it would usually draft out of an emergent into hung ominously if you were in this room talking Jack I know now they said times spent. It would probably be your ex wife and me would be close. But actual talking does is going to be a half the time when your would your ex wife you know it's a Washington I'm watching TV when I am in different I was still talking right don't mean. For gaining ground now rights exactly I am pulling away she can't catch up other things I'd be interested to know. I thought about this report to Michael wonder how many cigarettes are smoked in my life. What is still a lot Romo what does fill up this entire top for us how many cards coming truckloads you know. All that stuff how many you know bags of gummy bears in those things Rollins women in my something. Right. A legend Nolan I think I'm I think I can probably get pretty close month and I can go out ruined yeah I think are not always had this nightmare and that made it. All end up in the same room. Yeah all the women ever slump where there are all win a bar. I walked and it's just all of them and maybe they don't know why they're there when you slice it I'm like oh my god. Those people. Can not meet these got a that's just avenue and realize revoked and not all my darned if this girl knows that I. That just happened a guy New York was meeting like bumble date sir tender dates. And he would meet these girls at any who's going to same bar. Is that you meet me at six music you meet me at seven immediate aid to the bartender someone called a malformed told his girls like okay. He's been meeting all these girls in the same place on the I don't think there's anything wrong with that by the way by the end right. The plug as I wanna more cheap it's I didn't understand. Terry I think my top ones would be. You know relationships to a socialize with so I spent the most time with the opera I'm curious about the money thing how much money. Am I earned at all my job struck my life total. And then. I guess that wanna. I guess I'd be curious to know even on the fair to be really disappoint. I I think so the one about who. Was entrusted in me that I didn't know about that sounds great I'm afraid the supercomputer proud days as no one. I don't corrects I could release known how we cigarettes I smoke turn right. How many miles I've driven to an end you know and doesn't help you anyway right pleasure and go back like a reminder boost your confidence a little bit make you feel good. Much more money can still held while works united boom maybe there's nobody on the list or look at how pathetic I am right. So those are mine I like to know how many times you masturbating to meet. I don't know you again you need the supercomputer. A lot let it go back and count because I should be times I forget about more than a hundred. How many times do you think Imus got a lot of calculator into a professor about whoever masturbation the most. Like fantasized about or porn stars evil here or anything like an estimated looking at these people Barca or thinking about these people here they are in order. Oh let's see I'm gonna end zero. Not a lot of dudes on your front page. Tennessee twenty years so that's 7300. Days I'm gonna do. Of the onions do that at least eighth found so. 8000. So I would say. Oh like bare minimum it looks like I mean this doesn't seem like a high enough number. If I'm. Starting at fifteen. Which wouldn't be right you any doubt a couple years of that. And I'd be around 101000 times it has to be more than matched Clinton's if you ask him more than that right maybe not maybe I'd be surprised. That's one today. So you give yourself those days re there's more laws and those daisy skip spree went a few days. Not to those treasures of five times in a row in the Dallas when your like thirteen and only lasted a little while to injure yourself in a cover. Number a lot of might cover a lot of and put up pipe chart might have a prayer and peace but violence battalion. Fourteen Antawn and that just arm and wouldn't know any of these things change anything. If you if the supercomputer Sig you have spent you know all six months of your life that's 24 hour days six months of your life masturbation. Would that make you think twice I send a free mash may eighth this supercomputers or did you have smoked seventeen tractor trailers full of cigarettes. Would you say all right it's time to quit would it change any thing. In December computers a genome that brought high school serie you know little she was interest it. In you she talks her friends a value. What is changing thing where it make you cocky when a change of personality now my message unfaithful if you look at okay enough. Just look at how you know I saw picture you can level I don't know why I thought about you what's alone.